Will I.... , Can I ... ??

Sometimes some small incidents, events or happenings force me to doubt my assessment, my evaluation of myself, of my capabilities, my potential and most disturbingly, my chances of survival in this rat race. The pessimist in me which I try to keep subdued all the while seems to have come back with greater determination with the sole intention of controlling my thoughts, increasing my inhibitions and limiting my ambitions. He keeps reminding me of my shortcomings and ridicules the things I otherwise used to consider as plus points and advantages. Its easy to argue with an enemy by reason and logic. But what if the enemy is inside you? Whom are you actually fighting ? The enemy ? Or yourself ? I know this tone might seem reminiscent of the myriad superhero flicks that have capitalized on the tried-and-tested formula of the hero fighting the evil within him, but the reality is there exists somewhere within me, as might in many of you, a pessimist, a loser, a coward, a hidden side of me which I would always like to keep hidden. But unfortunately it does not have ego issues, so notwithstanding the innumerable times I get rid of him, he manages to stage some sort of a comeback. But, I am sure the optimist in me is stronger and would soon get the better of him. But the question is for how long? Well, I guess this question is also a result of the pessimistic personality dominating my mind at this point of time.. Gosh ! This is starting to get freaky !

Meanwhile, I came across an article in the papers(“TOI” to be more specific) about the advances in the field of identifying and separating genes. Going by the attitude of the current researchers, there would soon be a time where all the genetic codes that have been 'gifted' to us by our ancestors might be demystified. Such advances seem of particular interest to me as I would be more than eager to 'correct' my forefathers' “height” gene – which has been and will continue to be one of the areas I find myself in a huge inferiority complex. Those of you who are well endowed in this dimension would never feel what it feels like to be the shortest of the pack. The world laughs at you, ridicules you and when it doesn't, you feel its waiting for the next opportunity to do so, or worst, they've started to pity you. Its short of what I would call a curse. I've always believed that with longer limbs, I would have been a better athlete, had better chances in my swimming career, been a talk among the girls and what not. The list of regrets is endless, but I am helpless. I'm sure my father and my brother would have faced such situations and I definitely wish my next generation doesn't carry on the curse. Coming out of the personal angle, many people have some even more 'undesirable' qualities in their genes and would definitely be interested in 'rectifying' themselves for the benefit of their future generations. It would mean that anyone with the available resources would be able to create a perfect new generation ! The consequences of which are too complex to comprehend. It would be like choosing your next PC – get the features you want if you can cough up the money. Can these so claimed perfect humans then achieve a state of happiness ? I guess, as a Will Smith flick rightly emphasizes, “Its the pursuit which makes the happiness worthwhile”. If you get it without asking, you start taking it for granted. Moreover, the real problem would arise when these set of 'perfect' individuals compete with themselves. The outcome doesn't seem so encouraging. Differences, arguments will continue as there is no “gene” for ideals !

Gracias amigos ! Hope this hobby will help me to learn more about myself It has already started to..