Thankfully, I was able to open the site today and was able to post something ! I've written already numerous times about the connectivity here and thereby elaborating any further will start getting repetitive. Meanwhile, a lot has been happening in my life, from joining TIME (yes, thats where I finally decided to invest my time and money after a lot of thought) for morning classes thrice a week, and pre-placement training going on twice a week in the evenings, apart from regular college of course...life is not the same anymore. Accomodating so much in so less has certain consequences. I've started to feel that I've become much more robotic, methodical and predictable. Though I know that I cannot allow excessive freedom of thought to slow me down, somewhere deep down me, I am not in favour of this change. There still might be time to eat, sleep and go out a little, but there is hardly anytime I spend with myself, collecting and analyzing my thoughts, trying to guess in which direction I am heading. These are situations when the feeling grips me that "I hope I am not trying to hold on to everything and finally going to get nothing". I'm not being pessimistic, I'm just trying to be realistic ! Anyways, thoughts are free to have their way, but not me. I have certain commitments to myself that I cannot forego.
One often comes face to face with situations when he knows he is capable of something, but he has to prove himself to everyone concerned. I totally agree with the notion that if one thinks that 'the world is not ready' for him, its actually the other way round. So, there is a definite necessity of proving onself and it is this notion that is driving me nowadays. Unless there is a unique and distinguishing platform that one can establish himself, he is just another one of the masses. All his capabilities, qualities, attributes , everything is 'normal' - becomes 'expected'. But once there is a distinguishing factor, then even his smallest action, however insignificant it might be, evokes interest in others. This is the attitudinal change success brings with itself, the values you were ridiculed for, suddenly seem to have become virtues one can strive to achieve. My robotic, methodical life may seem frustrating for now, but it is in search of that 'distinguishing factor' that I'm ready to trade a fraction of my thoughts for, attaining which seems to be the only thing that matters. As a popular Linkin' Park song puts it "In the End, it doesnt's even matter. I tried to hard and got so far, but in the end.. it doesn't even matter" - there are no consolation prizes in life and even if there are, I have my mind on something else
2 comments:
U got it !! you need to differentiate but only by acting on your part and not deliberately planning to overshadow yourself. Remember ,there will always be pleasure after toils . So let go these ephemeral pleasures for best.
One more thing !!
Every individual is different.I may mock someone for a few moment of pleasure, but there is one part of me who believe's in its vagaries and undoubtedly believe that the difference is only in a person's effort and attitude.
U got it !! you need to differentiate but only by acting on your part and not deliberately planning to overshadow yourself. Remember ,there will always be pleasure after toils . So let go these ephemeral pleasures for best.
One more thing !!
Every individual is different.I may mock someone for a few moment of pleasure, but there is one part of me who believe's in its vagaries and undoubtedly believe that the difference is only in a person's effort and attitude.
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